Neverwhere

Life Update

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:31:42 GMT

Unfortunately, I dont mean trading in for the new model, but I havent posted in a while so I thought I'd re-start with a summary of the state of play, three months into the year.

As far as work goes, I'm still with the NHS doing general admin. Its boring, to the Nth power, but its money for nothing really. I'm applying for jobs as and when I see them, and hope to hear back from some of them soon. One or two of them, I am quite hopeful for and would help in my desired future career of writing what I want and getting paid for it....

speaking of writing, my first comic book series is finally complete. All I need to do is edit it out and smooth out the edges, and we should be ready for art and forcing it on every independant publisher we can find. Anyone willing to proofread? It'd be much appreciated. Especially from non-comic book fans, it'd be nice to appeal to not just geeks like myself....

Still going to the gym, which is good, and have my first driving lesson on friday, which is also good. The whole "personal progression" thing I had planned this year is actually moving, albeit with glacial speed. To be fair, everything is linked. I can take more driving lessons if I get a better job, and would have more money towards self publishing (which would in turn hopefully lead to an even better job than that), but then with a better job I'd have less time for things like the gym, driving and comic writing. Balance is the keyword.

Still not reading enough, not sure why.

Anyway, thats it for now. Much the same as before with slight hints at major change to follow.

I'll try to update more, with cool stuff. Honest.

2007/2008

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 16:53:01 GMT

We're just about at the end of 2007, and this time for me it dies not with a bang, but a whimper. 2006 was all bluster and thunder, leaving its nailmarks on my back as it tried to cling on into a time it was no longer welcome, but this year, it knows better.

I started 07 by getting older. I turned 21 a few weeks later, but by that point I was already weary. two deaths in the space of a month had topped off a truly crappy year. I was angry, with the universe, my life, and pretty much entirely at myself. I resolved to channel my energies into making 07 a year to remember. I'd do things. I'd be able to look back on 07 as the year where this thing happened or that thing happened. Looking at my achievements in the practical light of day, I have:

1 - Graduated uni.
2 - Got a temp office job.

...

Ok, so not the kind of thing I'll be telling my grandchildren about. But then, its harder to explain what really happened. I'll give it a try anyway. This year, I understood the whole "what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger" thing. Somehow, without really trying to make it that way, my decisions and actions this year have been much more definite than they've ever been. I feel like I know myself alot better. Strengths and....well. You know. The other thing. That thing thats the opposite of strengths that I seem to have so much trouble admitting to....

2007....wasnt so much the year I achieved everything, or kicked the ass of my ambitions or life in general, it was more like training for that. My big achievement this year wasnt practical, nor can it be measured or put on a CV, but it was just as important.

Stopping being self absorbed for a moment, other important things happened that were nothing to do with me. My friends for example. I grew closer with some than I ever thought I would, and loved every minute. For good or bad...overwhelmingly good....there are people with whom I will be intertwined my entire life, and I wouldnt have it any other way. Most notably, I have a truly beautiful companion for coffee and msn quiz games, whose appreciation for the elements nicely counters my own. Also, a guy I met once at a party became one of my best friends.

Now for the next part....2008. Anyone else feel like beating it into submission? I'm scrapping any notion of New Year's resolutions this year. New Year's resolutions are traditionally something you think of last minute and dont stick to past February. No, this year I'm making my own resolutions. Not for the New year, but for me, and for as long as they take. If I dont, this year's resolutions will become next years, and before I know it I'll be wondering why I didnt do all the things on my internal list.

So I'm going to make a public list, and I think it'd be really cool if everyone posted with little lists of their own. Make a few aims for yourself. I'm going for a few practical ones, like a drivers license and a good start on a language, and a few personal ones too, like being generally more outspoken and bold. I say we make them public, for all to see, so we can help each other out on keeping on top of them. No one ever got very far alone, and even if they did, I bet they wished they had someone to talk to.

This year, I'm going to
- get a driver's license
- Learn basic Japanese
- get a better job
- Get my comic series finished and look at publishers
- Be generally louder and more outspoken. Bolder

One last thing I need to remember this year is that as much as I need to think of myself, I need to think more of other people too. I'm not as patient as I could be, and can get wrapped up in my own little world. Need to work on that.

So please, please, everyone who is reading, comment with your own aims for this year and beyond. This can be a record or a checklist. Something you can link back to in your 2008 end of year entry and say "Yeah, I did all of that. What a year"

Evil

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 18:07:03 GMT

http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=5361

No other word for it.

For the love of God, lets just be nicer to everyone. We need to offset crap like that.

I'm going to go be world weary somwhere.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 20:35:14 GMT

A year ago today, my grandfather died. This isnt going to be one of those long reflective posts. I wont be telling you how I feel about it or how it has affected my family or anything like that. I just want to say thank you, to everyone who gave me their support last year, and whose support continues.

You are dear friends, and I would not insult you by trying to do you justice in this post. Thank you all, very much.

...boom...

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:56:27 GMT

I really see no point in bonfire night. Guy Fawkes night. Call it what you will. For a country who is supposedly civilised, we still condone celebrating burning a man at the stake. Then we get bent ouf of shape about people lighting the fires that we condone? Call me crazy, but thats not right...

Thats not to say I dont like the night. I just dont see why it happens. I suppose thats why I actually kind of do like it. Everyone knows its pointless, they just like to see fireworks roaring into the sky and raining hot colour over the world.

I hope everyone saw some fireworks. Doesnt have to have been today.

Hallowe'en!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 14:18:15 GMT

He hated walking past that room. It had been a full six months since his mother's death, but they still hadnt moved any of her belongings, even her perfume lay out on the dresser and caught in his throat every morning. She loved that perfume, so much so that they even sprayed some on her body before she was buried. Now all it did was get his hopes up. He'd walk from his room to the top of the stairs and try not to breathe, failing every time. The sweet vanilla scent would catch him, somehow, make him think she was right beside him. She wasnt beside him though, and he still had to get used to that.

"Morning son" came a cheerful voice. His father, Bruce thought, had went above and beyond the call of duty when it came to brave faces. He'd cried of course, at the news and the funeral. Nearly threw a fit when someone tried to move the perfume, but other than that he was almost happy. Excited even. "Oh come on, cheer up! School wont be that bad, surely"

"its been six months" Bruce said quietly. "She's been dead six months"

"Dont be so bloody negative, its the morning!" The annoyed exclamation came from his older sister, Sarah. "Dad, make me a coffee/"

"Sure thing kitten".

He couldnt take it. Could barely understand it, and so got up and left quicky. "How can they act like this?" he thought. "I cant bloody believe it, how can they go on like nothing's wrong?" Bruce got dressed in his room, and left it only to go to school, without a word to anyone.

                                                           *******************************************

Sixth period. Finally. Two periods of boring maths, followed by R.E and physics, all leading to double english. the pointlessness of the day was dawning on him, when his movile vibrated silently in his pocket. No one looking. The phone clicked as he opened it, the screen lighting up and displaying a text notification. "1 New Message. From: Mum". His heart jumped at the same time he snapped the phone shut, loud enough for the teacher to look up. The coast was clear again, and with a shaking hand, Bruce took the phone from his pocket and opened it. It was still there. "from: mum". A trembling thumb clicked the centre button, and brought up the message he shouldnt have recieved. "I'm coming home darling. See you soon."

He'd never ran quite this fast before. He's pretty sure he heard a "boom" at some point, but couldnt be sure. It was probably the door as he burst thought it. Darting up the stairs, he saw her,moments before she could even think of avoiding him.

"NOT. BLOODY. FUNNY!!" He fumed in her face, as he rammed her into the wall hard enough to cause a picture to all from its hook. A tear fell from his chin and on to her silver, triangle pendant.

"What the hell?!? Get off me you fucking psycho!" Sarah pushed him harder than he thought she could, and he flew back."Whats going on? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"THE TEXT!! You text me from mum's phone!" The rage in Bruce's voice was more than she'd ever seen from him, but it was ready to break into crying.

"But I dont HAVE mum's phone! Show me!"

"What?"

"the text you idiot, show me the text!" Shakily producing the phone, Bruce showed her the text. She stared at it for a second, her face softening, and breaking into a smile.

"Dad!!! We got it!!" And she ran off.

                                                         ******************************************

He tried to sleep that night, but knew he wouldnt. He didnt know if he was more confused than sad, or more sad than angry, or even if he was a little scared. He decided to roll over and try and sleep again. Focus on the blackness of having your eyes closed, count backwards from 10,000....

His phone went.

Usually he hated texts in bed, he was so groggy from sleep he'd misread or misunder stand them. Once he'd even replied to a text while half asleep, earning him the nickname "codebreaker". This time though, he was wide awake. "1 New message. From: Mum" He sat up straight, and went straight to Sarah's room. Sound asleep. His father too. he sat on the edge of his bed, and looked at the little blinking envelope on his phone. Opening it nervously again, he read the message. "I'll see you before school! Oh I cant wait!"

Someone had stolen his mum's phone! and now the sick bastards were taunting him. "U r sick, leave me the fuk alone!". he threw the phone into his pillow, and held his head in his hands. The phone rang again. "Who do you think you are speaking to young man?" He could almost hear her strong voice, raising in pitch in the middle of sentences. "You think I'm like your Aunt Marie? Apologise this instant!" Bruce dropped the phone, and backed away from it.. Mum always hated how Aunt Marie let her kids walk all over her. No discipline, she said. The phone rang again. "Well? I wont wait forever young man!" Slowly, he text an apology, knowing that with every letter he typed, he was admitting that it really was his mother speaking to him. He didnt care. Another ring. "Good boy. now get some sleep darling, I'll see you tomorrow xxx"

Pulling the covers around him, he felt warm and protected, and slept soundly.

                                                     **********************************************************

Sound though his sleep was, it didnt last long. Bruce looked at his clock to find it reading 5am, and knew that he was awake for the day. Walking down the stairs, he smiled as the scent of vanilla filled his nostrils, took a deep breath, and stepped into the kitchen. To his surprise, his father was there. "Alright son, what you doing up?" he said.
"couldnt sleep" Bruce replied.

"excited? I know I am!" his father beamed. it was then that Bruce realised that his father had no top on, and that he could see a similar silver, triangle pendant around his father's neck..

"Dad? Whats that? Round your neck? Sarah has one as well"

"oh this? its from the chruch son, you'll get one too. Anyway, I need to go run an errand before dawn. Give this to your mother for me " and with that, his father kissed his cheeck and left.. Bruce put his head down, and then got up to make some breakfast. His phone rang in his dressing gown pocket. "knock knock sweetheart"

BOOM BOOM BOOM.

The knock on the door was loud and heavy. Sluggish. He didnt move.

BOOM BOOM BOOM.

he started to walk towards the door, closer and closer

BOOM BOOM.

Tighening his hand around the doorknob, he slowly pulled it open. He couldnt help but smile, as the smell of vanilla and rotting skin filled his nostrils, and threw himself into his mother's open, cracked and black arms. He rested his head beside her pendant, and left the rough, wet texture of her skin

"welcome home mum"

"Thank you sweetheart"

Comic books and my Life - Part 2. Make Mine Marvel

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:21:04 GMT

My name is Stephen Sutherland, and I was a Marvel zombie.

There, I said it.

Now, there is nothing wrong with Marvel comics as a company, and a good Marvel comic is a good comic, cant take that away from it. But nothing but Marvel? All the time? Man I was messed up. A moody, self inflicted loner 11-14 year old (thereabouts), I couldnt get enough of the harder boiled stories and heroes. Wolverine was once my favourite character. Think about that.

When i was reading Marvel comics, it was pretty much chaos. The main storylines of the time were Age of Apocalypse in X-men comics, and the Clone Saga in Spiderman comics. The Age of Apocalypse showed the usual heroes of the X-men in even more gritty personae. The world had gone to hell, and it was kill or be killed. In this comic book world, a dream had died decades previously, and the world sucked because of it.

Spiderman comics though, now there was the real teenage fodder. The clone saga saw Peter Parker not know if he was in fact, Peter Parker, have a mental breakdown, go a little dark. Noticing a pattern? All these comics were pretty much moody and driven by identity issues, perfect.

The thing with all the Marvel characters was though, they were bloody miserable. I read my comics for heroes, and couldnt help but use them for role models. Misery was cool. I mean, we all know its not, but then? Hell yeah it was. I think thats the main reason for Marvel comics popularity to be honest. Comics mainly bought by either moody teenagers or twenty-somethings who still act like moody teenages. Somehow, somewhere along the way, being miserable and moody and dark became cool to people, and thats....well, not cool.

Before I finish up though, I want to sing the praises of Spiderman (when written properly). Definately the most popular of the Marvel characters, Spiderman represents, in my opinion, the best thing about Marvel comics, all across the board. Marvel doesnt deal in the big cosmic very much. Marvel deals in ground level, gritty stories about people getting the crap kicked out of them. Spiderman is the guy, who more than anyone, gets the crap kicked out of him, but he's also the guy who stands up again. More than anyone else, maybe even in all of superhero comics, Spiderman is the guy who will stand up. Again, and again, and again.

Its no secret that my favourite comics character is Superman. Thing is, no one can "be" superman. Thats whats great about the character, an ideal to chase all your life. Spiderman though?

I could be Spiderman.

Next time - Up, up and...

Comic books and my Life - Part 1

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 18:41:34 GMT

I love comic books. Anyone who knows me, knows this. However, I dont think most people get why I love them. I'm going to try and fix that, by explaining a little what I love so much about them, the things they've made me feel, when they've made me feel them and why. I want to do what any writer wants to do and let you see things the way I do for a little while. I'm not saying that understanding my comics "thing" will open shiny new doors into the realms of my psyche and give you a new understanding of me. You just might not think its so odd. Fiona, Matthew, this post is totally optional for you guys. Everyone else, read on...

I'm going to start off like any essay would, and explain a little of what a comic is and how it does what it does. Everyone has seen a comic. You probably see them every single day and dont realise it. We've all read those little strips in newspapers (Nemi is my favourite, in the Metro). They may be small, but they're still comics. You'll have seen the Beano or Dandy or something in the newsagent. Comics. Traffic lights. Comics. Yes, thats right, traffic lights. You know how you push the button, and you see the little stationary red guy, then the walking green guy? Thats a comic. Maybe it'd make more sense to call it by its academic term, Sequential Art. Will Eisner, arguably the comic book's greatest analyst (its between him and Scott McCloud), defined comic books as "the arrangement of pictures or images and words to narrate a story or dramatise an idea." Superman just punched General Zod into the upper ionosphere? Hell we can show that. Nemi doesnt like her blind date? Note the disgusted look on her face in one panel, and her quick exit in the next. Walk? The green guy is walking, and before he was red and standing. The coolest thing about how a comic works, in my opinion, is in what they dont show. Eisner and McCloud both point it out, and its brilliant. The most important thing about a comic is that space between what it has shown you, and what its about to, because what happens in the middle is all in your head. Your imagination. How Superman gets from earth to the moon, how Nemi got that knife, whats happened between red/stationary and green/walk. It all happens in your head, and is only limited by you. I've pretty much made a habit of living in my head, so I can see why this form of media absorbs me so much. I'm right at home there.

I've loved comic books and their characters as long as I can remember. When I was a child, I didnt put my arms in my pyjama tops and buttoned the top button to make a cape. I wooshed about my room all night, and then re-assumed my secret identity. One of the earliest books I remember reading is a marvel comics annual from the 80s. Black suited Spiderman and Magneto led the X-men. Storm had a mohawk. I watched Captain Planet (a Superman knock-off, come on), and later, Power Rangers (which I would only later find out tied into my other great love, japan and its culture.) I had glasses as a child, which I will have to regain soon, and always knew they got in the way of my secret identity. I remember playing football in the playground, and taking my glasses off to "be better". And I was. Comic books have been ever-present in my life, and I would not have it any other way. There were different comics from my pre-teens, to my teens, to my nows, but they've always been there. And thank God for that.

Next post - Marvel Zombie, my early, moody teens.

Big

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 18:54:04 GMT

Ever get that feeling when everything you do just isnt grand enough? I've been getting it more and more. I dont want to walk, I want to run as fast as I can and stop somewhere far from where I started. I want to punch something, purely for the feeling of swinging my arms through the air, and have whatever I hit fall to peices in front of me. I want to raise my voice. I want to write something, big and good.

Perhaps its a post uni, pre full time employment desire to be doing something more than my day to day life, or maybe its just 21 years of catholic repression catching up with me. I dont know, but I want my every action to be like a tiny explosion of itself. I want things defined again.

And I'm getting there as well. My physical restlessness is being dealt with by frequenting the gym, which I am sticking to very well this time around (mostly because I can afford it now). My writing on the other hand, isnt quite so good. Just after graduation I threw myself into it, wrote more issues, planned them, got more meetings with gary, looked into self publishing etc. I think I burned myself out on it. Too much too soon. What was once me writing my first real work, a fun, cool, exciting thing to be doing, became about print runs and page counts remarkably quickly. While I wanted something to work towards, I didnt count on it being so...big. Now i think I need that back.

As for wanting to "raise my voice", I dont need to shout, only speak more clearly and decisively. Its been happening a little already, i think I went up a few mental decibells.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 22:29:43 GMT

Art, with a capital "A", but what kind?
Literature? An epic, a romance, a surrealist fantasy. Pulitzer winning, of course
Poetry! A sonnet in six syllables, with, you hope, a heroic coupling
Perhaps a film would be best. French cinema would work, but you know you're a sucker for Bogart
Music? Major or Minor? You love acoustic guitar but your head says "violin"
Comic books, now you're talking. You know your comics. Heroes, villains, damsels in distress. Wonder Women and Supergirls
A blog? dont be ridiculous.

Mr Sandman....

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 14:21:06 GMT

Yesterday, I did something I havent done in a long time. I picked up my guitar, tuned it, and played it. Its been ages since I played, and I pretty much sucked, but it started to come back to me. Not just how to play, but why I played. I remembered the little ambition I had to be a reasonable guitar player, play my favourite songs while attempting to sing along to them. That was high school of course, "when I was a child, I spoke as a child..."

The difference is though, I dont believe that you have to stop understanding like a child when you grow up, just as long as you think like a grown up too. I've read comic books since I could read, and I'm still at it, although something changed along the way and I wanted to write them too. I dont think growing up means you have to abandon your dreams, it just makes you think more of how to achieve them. Admittedly, I'm not going to fly unaided any time soon (childhood dream) but if I go to a hilltop on a windy day and close my eyes just right...

I'm not going to say something as cliched as "dreams can come true". Ths isnt me telling you that if you just believe it, you can do anything. I still cant fly! I'm just saying that, maybe we shouldnt give up on things quite so easily. I'm still gonna suck at guitar, but its going to be fun finding out just how bad I suck.

Do you have an instrument lying about the house? Never learned how to swim? How about one of those model airplanes that you never took out the box? There are so many things that people put down - be it an instrument, an language or even a friendship - that we forget we can at least try and pick them up again, before we can find them. What I'm trying to say, in a longwinded way, is what people say so often we forget it actually has meaning - dont give up. Not when it matters, and sometimes, even when it doesnt.

Ok, I'm verging into terrible metaphors now so I'm going to stop. Doesnt mean I wont post again later...

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 14:09:31 GMT

Life seems to have become a fast moving crawl since I left uni. My days are dragging in, but time is passing at in an incredible rate. Its August, and thats not right...

I feel like I've been making some good progress lately though. I'm halfway through writing my comic series, and hope to have it wrapped up by mid september at the latest. My placement at the paper went well too. I feel like this is the obligatory "next phase". If I can get a good full time job, and start exercising more, I might be halfway content with myself soon. Might.

Anyway, I better finish this post here, as I believe I am working to a time limit. I may post more later if this is deemed unsatisfactory by my lonley friend....

The End of our Beginning

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 12:24:45 GMT

So uni is done. Got my results recently, and I managed a 2:1 honours degree, because someone up there likes me. This is usually the part where I say something like "now I have to take things seriously and work hard!" or something. But no, not this time. I mean, yeah, I do, but I just dont need to realise it, or be told. I have a placement sorted for a local paper. Its not a big, long thing, but its something. After that I'm going to apply for a placement at the BBC for a month, hoping that my week at the paper will help me out there. I'll be looking for a full time job with my degree while all this is going on too, and working on a comic series that I want to get published by the end of the year. (hassle me if issue 2 isnt finished by one week today)

Yeah, its time to "get serious" and whatever. But you know what? I already am. I have short term goals, long term goals, mid term goals and space where i'd quite like something unexpected to happen. I'm not saying everything is perfect right now, but I think that for the first time in a long while, I'm where I should be. I said that last year kicked my ass, and it did. This year, wont.

Lemniscate

Fri, 25 May 2007 21:43:42 GMT

Now, I know that the whole Reflections on Uni bit is pretty cliched, and it kills me to do it, but it has to be done.

On Monday I had the misfortune to read the Metro, However, there was a small article called "5 questions for Willy Mason" I've been a big fan of Willy Mason for years and went to his first concert here in 2005, from his first album Where the Humans Eat. Also, I was going to his concert in Glasgow two days later for his latest album When the Oceans get Rough. In this article, Willy was asked the difference between his first album and his second. His answer was that his first album was written when he was 17, and his second when he was 21. Since he was 17 he's had to acccept alot more responsibility and change in his life. Now, on Monday I was on my way to my last ever exam for uni. The end of four years work, as I started uni at 17 and have fnished (hopefully) at 21. Funny how things happen like that...

Uni, as much as I hate to admitt it, has been one of the most influential and affecting things to ever happen to me. My first day I met a girl named Cara. We cracked the same joke at the same time and the rest is recent history. They say that everyone you meet changes you, and its true, but I've met some extraordinary people because of uni and this girl is one of them. She changed me more than most will, and I thank her for it quietly every time I do something that i wouldnt have done without her. The second week of uni I met another girl, Joanne. Although not as overtly as Cara, Joanne changed me just as much and I believe I promised her a present for it. Uni also meant that I started to see a guy called Stephen more often. No, I didnt talk to myself day after day, this is a separate guy. These three people will be my friends for life, and each have changed me in ways I wouldnt go without. That alone makes uni worth it, pass or fail.

As for now, its all over but the crying. I think I did ok. In the grand scheme of things I'm sure I could have done better, but I'll always put that down to the content of courses as much as the content of my head. They dont teach everything I want to learn, certainly not in the same course. But I've got a head start on the rest of my life hopefully (it'd be a bigger head start if I could actually get a job with this degree, but i'm not complaining...)

Uni is over and I'm right back where I was at the end of high school. from top to bottom and over again, and those were just the warm up laps.

I say this stuff all the time. Wonder how I'll do this time. Wish me luck...

A word on sectarianism

Sun, 06 May 2007 22:16:00 GMT

I recently bought the first series of the fantastic Life on Mars. Excellent stuff that got even more excellent with an episode on football.

Maybe its just because of where i come from, but this speech says it all when it comes to the unutterable nonsense that is sectarianism

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfVcaUO-42I

Hope you agree

Wed, 02 May 2007 22:52:48 GMT

I've never been one for simplicity. If there is a way to overcomplicate something, I'll find it and make it more complicated before using it. I remember in my first class of english in uni, the lecturer gave us this poem called "an old guide book to prague". In the poem a scene was described, and the class were then asked to comment on it. Particularly on the viewpoint and where we think the scene was being described from. Not one person in the class thought, or said that they thought, that the scene was simply a photograph in an old guide book to prague.

I currently have some time off. Three weeks before my exam, and its an exam I'm confident in. I could study for it in a week with plenty of time, so that gives me two weeks to myself. Nothing could be simpler....

The Wright Stuff at 9am every morning, and if its a monday wednesday or friday, the gym before 11. Buy a paper, get informed. Drum my fingers till I have something I feel needs to be done. Overtime! do it, its better than sitting doing nothing...

is it hell.

and yet, I cant seem to do nothing. lie on the grass, sit on the couch, read a book for god's sake. No, somehow, I must be active. Out. Maybe its because the house is in a state of mid-decoration, or because we have visitors, but I cant stand being indoors, and there are few places outdoors I can go without massive boredom ensuing.

the solution? I need to move. Change of scenery, indoors and out. Bit of pressure. bit of space. It'll be a while, but I think it'll happen this year.

This entry wasnt thought about in any way.

Valentines

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 14:29:21 GMT

The history of Valentines day isnt nearly as romantic as I'd hoped. Amongst the origins for it are the slaughter of 2000 jews by christian mobs, and festivals devoted to Zeus and Hera. Not exactly the cupids and hearts the most romantic day in the year is famous for. Valentines day is supposed to be a day of celebrating being with someone you care about, or taking that first step towards being with them. Part of me thinks that there shouldnt have to be a day to give you courage or to make you appreciate what you have, but i suppose it cant hurt either.

My favourite story about Valentines day is about St Valentine, about to be martyred and then passing a love note to the daughter of his jailer saying "from your valentine." The sacrifice about to be made by this man says everything about love. The story didnt really happen though, its a legend. Suits me fine, all the best loves should be legendary.

And for all us singles guys out there, mark April 14th in your Calander - Black Day.!

For all guys who have a girlfriend, dont forget March 14th - White day!

Today should be either about celebrating the present, or moving towards the future. Happy Valentines Day everyone.

Quotes!

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 20:11:38 GMT

I have a thing for quotes, and I dont apologise for it.

What are your favourite quotes? and why? any quote at all, from pop culture to your neighbour to figures from history - any quote thats stuck in your head. I'll post mine later, after a good think about them...

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 13:04:12 GMT

"Do you feel any different?"

No, actually. Just the same.

Is that right? This is supposed to be one of the big ones, but I feel the same as I did the day before, and the day before that. Still the same person, capable and incapable of the same things I was capable and incapable of when I wasnt 21. Maybe thats cool though. Maybe you dont have to wait for a certain age or time to do things, you have it all in you to do today what you think you'll do "someday." I looked at the viability of visiting Japan yesterday, and its looking quite good! I'd have done it yesterday if yesterday wasnt my 21st though. Yeah, generous people made the trip less expensive for me, but I would still have looked into it and still found it to be quite possible. Last night, a friend asked me about what I want to do when I leave uni, and I told him all about how I want to get into comic book writing and how I'd plan to do it, and it made me think again how much I really want to do it and how much I believe I can do it. Yesterday, I was out with friends, and had a smile to myself when I realised just how good the friends I have actually are. They were just like that before I was 21, and will be after I'm 21. Yesterday, many of my family came over especially to wish me a happy birthday and give me birthday presents. They cared about me before I was 21, and will care after I'm 21.

I have great friends, a great family who care about me, and I have goals, ambitions that I truly believe I both can and will achieve. My life is far better than I have ever given it credit, and I should stop complaining. The important things are, and have always been, in place, everything else is negotiable Funny how i only realised this when I turned 21. Maybe there's something to it after all...

The Winter King

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 23:08:21 GMT

Once upon a time, there was a land ruled by four kings. Although each king was very powerful, the duties of the king were such that they had to rest very often, and so the land was ruled by a different king for each of the seasons. The King of Springtime was a calm King, nurturing and kind, and the land would always grow while in his care. The King of Summer was hot tempered and impetuous, and yet entertaining and genial. To be in his graces was a fine thing indeed, but to be his enemy was the stuff of nightmares. The King in Autumn was an old king, and though he often looked tired, he had lost none of his majesty. Like an old tree, he was both a picture of strength and frailty at the same time. The Winter King was lonely, as cold as his imaginings and much feared. Ruling the kingdom in the harshest of conditions had made him formidable. A harsh task, and one with little thanks.

Spring was ending, and the king of Springtime had to make ready to take off his crown and rest until it was he was again called to his duty. As each king does when it is time to take off the crown, he worried. The four kings were very different men, and their rule reflected this. Although the Kingdom was not in poor condition, it was an uncertain place, where the atmosphere changed with the weather. The King in Springtime could not know what changes would befall his kingdom while he slept, nor could any of the kings. To change this, each king tried a different way of finding out what had happened to the kingdom in their absence. The King in Springtime asked his courtiers and servants for the news of the kingdom, but being deceivers and sycophants, they told the king only what he wanted to hear, hoping to take advantage of his pleasant nature. The King of Summer had tried to leave his confidants in the great halls, his eyes and ears, and when necessary, his voice. However, summer has no place in autumn, and is even less welcome in winter When he did not hear what he wanted, the King of Summer’s rage would burn like his sun, and he would receive no answer by pleas and trembling. Only in Spring was the summer servant’s voice to be heard, and even then it was only a whisper. The Autumn King had decided that the best measure of the kingdom in his absence was taken from the people, and so asked everyone in the kingdom to tell him what had happened. This did not work either, as each member of the Kingdom had a different story to tell, and the Autumn King was left in even more confusion than when he awoke. The Winter King had no advisors, no friends to apprise him of the state of the nation. He had only the snow, and the ice. Standing on his balcony, the Winter king sighed his loneliness into the winter air, and watched it catch and freeze. While gazing on his kingdom, he spied a robin, hidden amongst the snow and the ice, so small a creature, unphased by the rigours of Winter. “Such a small form!” he exclaimed, “To take such a small form would be as good as rest itself! And I would not have to leave my kingdom while the pure snow is banished!”

Springtime came once more, and the King in Springtime woke to a day of promise and rebirth. On reaching his balcony, the King in Springtime noticed a robin, perched and looking at him. “Hello my little friend! I see you have survived the winter. Why, if only you could speak! You could advise me on how best to rule this land after the dreadful grip of frost!” The King in Springtime took a liking to the small robin, and often found himself speaking to it of matters both great a small, until it was time for him to rest once more, and pass the crown to his arid brother, the King of Summer. The fiery monarch rose from his rest to find the robin staring at him as it had the King in Springtime. “Such an audacious little bird! HA! I like you!!” and it was so that the King of Summer also took to the robin, telling him all of the details of his day, right until the end of summer. The Autumn King was gentle and graceful, and one would be hard pressed to find any creature under the heavens that he could not grace. A wizened old King , the Autumn King recognised something in the robin immediately. “I see you” he said, smirking. “Very clever, my brother. Of us all, you are the youngest, but perhaps the wisest.” The Autumn king held out his finger, and the robin clutched on to it with its tiny feet, and listened hungrily to every word the Autumn King had to say, until, as sure as the sun rises and sets, the season changed yet again.

The Winter King assumed his form, and surveyed his perfect, frozen kingdom. He was tired, as he had not rested as much as he should have. However, from that day forward, the Winter King’s reign was looked forward to by the wise of the Kingdom, and his rule hailed as the most brilliant. Winter is a time of death, and solitude, when the cold threatens to crush everything in its way. The Winter King realised this, and so brought the other seasons to Winter. Spring, Summer and Autumn were all present in the rule of the Winter king, for beneath the frost, the world sleeps.

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 15:04:09 GMT

As I started writing this, a bolt of lightning lit up the sky, and the thunder followed. The weather outside is depressing, gloomy and angry, and I cant help but feel that it is the death rattle of 2006 as the son of a bitch gets dragged kicking and screaming into the good night.

Its safe to say that I havent liked 2006. In fact, its safe to say that it is the most throwaway, pointless year I have spent on this earth. I look back on this year and have no accomplishments, no great change to be proud of. Personal growth in this year has been forced through negativity, the person I had to become to tolerate that which as been taken from me, or was never given. And therein lies my great argument with the world and myself: Change. See, somewhere in my head, "change" is something akin to "defeat." I've always done my best to stick to my beliefs: I try not to kiss a girl I'm not interested in, because whats the point? I wont have sex till I love someone, for much the same reason. I make my mistakes and I sort them out for myself. I feel bad, I bottle it up because somewhere in my head, something is telling me that i'll be a better person for going it alone. The logical part tells me thats utter nonsense, but somehow I cant believe it even though I know its true. I dont always stick to everything I just said, and I hate when that happens.Changing anything I've just said would feel like a defeat, and I am a terrible, terrible loser.

Where I get confused is the difference between change and progress, in knowing how far I can be flexible without breaking. I've always been a bit of an idealist. A stupidly hopeful idealist actually. Compromise was never something I'd consider, because I just thought that as long as I stuck to my guns all the way, I'd be fine. Enough hard work, enough willpower, enough intelligent thought, and I could achieve anything. Persistance was everything. I was talking to a friend yesterday, and essentially just ranted about everything thats been annoying me lately. See, the girl I liked doesnt want what I want. I thought I'd go along with it anyway. "its not how you work sudge" I was told. "then maybe its time I changed how I work" I replied, and then stopped in horror at the very implication. Why should I change?

Because quite simply, if I'm not changing, I'm standing still. Change doesnt have to be bad, not just because it was this year. I can be better. Being a different type of Stephen isnt the same as not being Stephen anymore. I wont get through next year by staying the same as I've been.

And so, this brings me to the new year. a 6 will change to a 7. People always put things off till the new year. Quitting smoking. Going to the gym. I appear to have put off personal growth, and thats just ridiculous. However, as a good friend said to me today, the New Year is a perfect time for new beginnings. 2007 is coming, and I dont intend to let it walk all over me like its little brother just did. I got my ass kicked this year, I really did, and I didnt see it coming. I'm still scraping by at uni, I'm still in the same crappy job, I'm still single, I'm still exactly where I was last year. But I'm still here, and as I've learned recently, thats all the matters.

Ok Universe, round 2. This time its personal.

ding ding.

Its a Wonderful Life

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 16:06:11 GMT

No, really.

Merry Christmas everyone

Nicholas was...

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 17:45:42 GMT

Older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die.

The dwarfish natives of the arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tounge, conducted incomprehensible rituals when they were not actually working in the factories.

Once every year, they forced him sobbing and protesting into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand next to every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves' invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen into time.

He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.

Ho

Ho

Ho

"Nicholas Was..." by Neil Gaiman

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 20:01:18 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkagpLGYAJo - There is nothing about this advert that isnt awesome.

That will be all.

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 23:20:18 GMT

I've had the good fortune to be called a gentleman. Maybe its my love of jimmy stewart films, or clark kent admiration, but I'd always thought that it was a noble attribute. Treating people with respect, and keeping your cool, not talking people down, grace under fire. Gentle-man. A man who is not rough, nor harsh, not hard or threatening. Only the most undeserving of respect will not get it from a gentleman.

My grandfather died on wednesday. He was 66. Finlay Glancy had 7 children, my mother was the second born. He had 17 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren. He came over every day with his dog, Jake, and had a coffee. Milk and three sugars. In his youth, he was an excellent footballer (saved a ball from Jinky Johnson) and had red hair. Granda was never too tall, but loved that I was.

I always took after the Sutherland side of my family. Reasonably tall bunch, blondes all over the place. It bothered me that I didnt have much in common with the Glancy side of my family. They were shorter, I was tall. They were always good footballers (so were the sutherlands, I am a mutant) and I was not. Red hair for the Glancys, blonde hair for me. granda took his coffee with milk and three sugar, I took mine black with none. We didnt have much in common.

"he was a great man"

"I know"

"never had a bad word to say about anyone"

"Yeah, that was him"

"he was just a good man. A gentleman."